Fake Symptoms of Being Sick

Getting sick, such as faking an illness, starts with the basics of symptomatology.

Steps

1. Fake the fever with lye soap. Place a bar of lye soap (available at your local grocery) under your armpit. Hold it there for about 3 minutes prior to taking your oral temperature. It should raise your temperature (temporarily) about 5-6 degrees.
2. Fake your nausea. Take very cold water and wet the back of your neck and the top of your head. Hot water should be used for your face and the front of your neck.
3. Fake your stomach churning. Take 1/2 teaspoon Epson Salt in 4-8 oz. water. This gets the stomach churning enough to have you high-stepping to the bathroom.
4. eat as much cheese as possible the night befor to get your glands swelling up.
5. If whoever you are trying to fool doesn’t believe you by then, just complain of “lower back pain,” which is almost never provable (one way or the other).
6. If your parents are prone to putting their hands on your face to check temperature, rub your hands quickly and repeatedly against your face. The friction will rise your temperature and give your face a flushed and red look.
7. Hide the thermometer, and rub your hands on your forehead, so all your parents can rely on is how warm your forehead is
8. Scream at the top of your lungs when no ones home and get your throat sore.
9. Hold the thermometer under a light or in between your fingertips and squeeze really hard to raise the temp on the thermometer

Tips

• Lick your hands to create that “clammy” feel.
• Complaining that your stomach hurts isn’t provable.
• Use a heating pad against your face to make it feel hotter.
• Snort water up your nose to give the effect of a cold as your sinuses swell up. This does not last long.
• Try Being Moody, This Always Works!
• Use Reverse Psychology. Like “I need to go to school today!” (Sometimes does not work but try looking really sick first)
• Stay up late and fake real well that you are coughing parents come in to check on you so if they hear coughing they are bound to let you stay home.
• Don’t sneeze if you want your parents to think you’re asleep. People don’t sneeze while they’re sleeping.
• To get that ‘I didn’t sleep well last night’ look, put a little bit of water in your eyes and rub the lower eyelid. Alternatively use a small amount of diluted toothpaste on the bottom of your eyelid.
• Use make up to your advantage. A foundation a couple of shades lighter than your normal skin tone will have a great affect. If you don’t have foundation then use a light dusting of UNSCENTED baby powder(talcum powder)
• Every so often, flinch then groan and clutch wherever you’re ‘pained’.
• Take a little tiny bit of toothpaste and lightly dab it on the bottom of you eye lid.It will burn a little but gives you that perfect cried effect for a teary eye it works really good
• Rub a redish or pink hued make-up around your eyes to make yourself look very tired.
• Start acting like you’re feeling sick the day before.
• You can also go to the nurse at your school the day before and that might help if she lets you call your mom and your mom says call if you feel worse.

Warnings

• Consider that faking illness as a way of getting out of doing something (school, chores) is only a temporary solution. It might work once, but the “something” you are avoiding may not go away, and you can’t fake anything forever.
• Remember the Boy Who Cried Wolf. Fake anything enough and you’ll get caught. Get caught and no one will believe you when you really are sick.
• Do not use the lye soap if you are allergic to soap, lye, or sensitive to bleaches of any kind.
• Do not use the Epson Salt if you are on medication of any kind, or have stomach ulcers, or are on dialysis, or have an aversion to salt.
• Don’t use the “lower back pain” excuse if you have scoliosis, otherwise your parents will think you need surgery. (This is especially true if you already have a back brace for it.)
• Don’t hit your uvula! It will cause you to throw up.
• Rubbing your hands on your face may make your face hurt for a while.
• The movie “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” contains some interesting strategies, but your parents have probably seen it and you should avoid using these ideas.